How do you manage the balance between family problems and your own studies and health? 

Thank you for reaching out to us! 

What you describe sounds very stressful. Managing family problems alongside studies and your own health is difficult and can increase stress. It is common to feel conflicting needs in such a situation—for example, care and responsibility for family, while also needing to focus on yourself and your studies. 

When we experience high demands and a lot of responsibility (which can come from others or ourselves), and at the same time do not have much control over the situation or do not get enough recovery and time to do things that make us feel good, it can negatively affect both health and quality of life. 

To try to create a sustainable balance where you can give yourself space to live your life and do what is important and meaningful to you, despite ongoing family problems, there are a few things that may help: 

Try to set boundaries It can be difficult to draw a line for how much we can or should engage, be emotionally available, try to solve problems, or help practically. Many people feel guilty when they say no or make someone wait. But you cannot take on too much if you are to cope in the long run. Feeling guilty when you prioritize yourself does not mean you are doing something wrong—it is a natural reaction in a difficult situation where you cannot do as much as you would like or have as much influence as you wish. Sometimes you mainly need to set limits for yourself, and sometimes those boundaries also need to be communicated to your family. 

For example, this might involve limiting how often or how long you take part in conversations about family problems, or setting specific times when you focus on your studies and recovery and are not available. You can try expressing your boundaries using neutral statements such as: 
“I want to help, but right now I don’t have the energy to talk more about this,” or 
“I need to prioritize my studies this week; let’s talk next week.” 
Framing your boundaries based on your own needs reduces the risk of conflict. 

Separate responsibility from care Caring about and loving your family is not the same as taking responsibility for their problems. For example, it is difficult to help someone who is not motivated to address a certain issue. Beyond showing that you are there, you may need to let go of control—even if that feels difficult. Try to identify what you can influence and what you cannot, and what you therefore need to let go of. Even if there is a lot you can influence, you still need to limit how much responsibility you take while also meeting your own needs. 

Set realistic expectations for yourself During periods of high pressure, you may need to lower your expectations regarding academic performance. This is not a failure—it is a way of taking responsibility for your health. Try to treat yourself with understanding that things are difficult, rather than criticizing yourself for not managing more. 

Make time for things that make you feel good Make time for physical activity and other things that may feel difficult when you are stressed, but are important in the long run. Adjust the level to your daily capacity. Prioritize eating and sleeping enough and regularly. Try to maintain contact with friends and do enjoyable activities. Sometimes we make the mistake of putting most things on hold while waiting for problems to be resolved. Try to let life continue as much as possible alongside the difficulties. 

Seek support Sometimes it is enough to talk to friends or someone you trust, but at other times support from a professional may be needed to find new ways of coping. You can seek support at a primary care center, youth clinic, student health services, or similar. Don’t wait too long to ask for help if you think it could benefit you! 

I hope this response was helpful. Take care of yourself! 

Kind regards, 
Licensed Psychologist