Thought patterns – beginning to notice perfectionistic thinking

We often use different rules in our thinking because they can be clear and helpful. They allow us to avoid spending too much time and energy deciding what to do. At the same time, these rules can lead us to overlook relevant information that might help us see things differently. Instead, we risk becoming stuck in a narrow way of viewing the world, for example by:

• thinking that there is only one right or wrong way to do things
• drawing general conclusions based on very little information
• trying to interpret what other people are thinking

As long as we view the world through this filter, it is easy to develop perfectionistic behaviours. If we only see things as either good or bad, we will continue striving for the level we perceive as “good”.

It is important to emphasise that we all have these kinds of thoughts from time to time. In perfectionism, however, they occur so often that they form a clear pattern. When this happens, it becomes easier to miss nuances and more difficult to see things from other perspectives.

Below is a list of common perfectionistic thinking patterns. Go through the list and reflect on which ones you recognise in yourself.

• All-or-nothing-thinking (bad/good or failure/success)
  "If I make even one mistake, I'm a complete failure."
• Strict rules (“I must…”, “I should…”)
  "I must succeed…"
  "I should do this properly…"
• Catastrophising (assuming that the worst will happen)
  "Everyone will laugh at me and not want to be around me if I fail."
• Selective focus (basing your judgement on a single detail instead of the whole picture)
  "I got two questions wrong on the exam - how can I be so stupid?"
• Minimising and magnifying (underestimating or exaggerating something)
  "I only passed the seminar because the teacher was kind, not because I had studied and was prepared."
• Mind reading (jumping to conclusions about what others are thinking)
  "If I don’t succeed at this, everyone will think I’m incompetent and worthless."
• Labelling (putting negative labels on yourself)
  "I'm a complete idiot for not knowing the answer to that question."

My thinking patterns

A first step in changing perfectionism is to begin challenging your thoughts. This doesn’t mean replacing them or trying to convince yourself to think differently. Instead, the aim is to broaden your perspective and become more aware of how you think – to start seeing your thoughts in shades of grey rather than in black and white.

An important first step is therefore to notice when you get stuck in perfectionistic thinking patterns. This takes practice, as we often react quickly and automatically when we experience strong emotions or discomfort.

In the next section, we will look at assumptions and how they influence perfectionism.