How can you tell if a relationship is functional? Are there any tips on where to look for relationship advice?

Hi! 
Thank you for an important and thoughtful question. Determining whether a relationship is functional—whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship—can be tricky. It’s often hard to see clearly from the inside, so it can be helpful to look at what typically characterizes a healthy relationship. 

A central part is good communication. This means being able to talk openly with each other and feeling listened to. Any misunderstandings need to be addressed and worked through, rather than ignored. 

There should also be mutual respect for each other’s boundaries, opinions, and feelings, without anyone being controlled, belittled, or diminished. 

Another important aspect is a sense of safety. Being able to be yourself in the relationship is essential—being accepted for who you are without fear of threats, silence, or other negative consequences when conflicts arise. 

The relationship should also be reciprocal, meaning both people give and take, even if it doesn’t have to be perfectly equal at all times. Responsibilities and work, for example in the home, should be shared in a reasonable way. 

Conflicts that arise in a relationship should be handled constructively. Instead of trying to “win,” it should be acceptable to disagree. No one should have to constantly compromise at the expense of their own well‑being. 

Based on this, it can be helpful to ask yourself whether the relationship makes you feel more or less like yourself. Does it lead to a sense of safety and energy, or does it result in feelings of inferiority, exhaustion, or feeling like you constantly have to walk on eggshells? 

I hope this gives you some guidance. 

Take care! 
Student health counselor