Assumptions – is my perfectionism as helpful as I think?
Examining the assumptions we hold about ourselves and our surroundings is an important next step in working to change perfectionism. People with perfectionistic traits often hold assumptions about how they must behave, what counts as good enough and what consequences may arise if they do not live up to these assumptions.
As long as we hold on to those assumptions without questioning them, we tend to treat them as true. For example, if we have an assumption such as: “If I fail the exam, everyone will think I’m stupid,” this may lead us to judge ourselves harshly when we make mistakes, avoid asking questions or over-study for exams to make sure it does not happen.
So which assumptions do we need to examine? Above all, those that relate to maintaining very high standards. You may find it helpful to refer back to the previous section on perfectionist thinking patterns. The idea is to find out what things are really like and to test their assumptions against reality.
When we examine our assumptions, we can do so in different ways. We can either seek information more generally, or more specifically look for information related to our own perfectionism.
Below are two examples of questions – one more general and one more specifically linked to your own perfectionism. In both cases, the aim is to gather more information.
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General question |
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Work |
Social situations |
Studies |
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“How many times do you check the spelling in your emails?” “Do you often work overtime?” |
“How long do you spend cleaning before having guests over?” “How often do you think about what you’re going to say next?" |
“Do you usually turn down other things to spend more time studying?” “How much do you study before an exam?” |
| Specific question | Specific question |
| Assumption | Question to ask someone around you |
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“If I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m a fraud! ” “If I have to put effort into a task, it means I’m not good enough.” |
“Have you ever felt like a fraud in what you do?” “What do you think about people who need to put effort in to succeed?” |
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Reflection questions Take a moment to reflect on the questions below and consider how you might examine your assumptions:
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Once you have asked a question, it is important to reflect on the conclusions you draw and whether there are alternative ways of looking at the situation. Below is an example of what this might look like:
| Assumption | Question | Who to ask | Summary |
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People will judge me if I lose my train of thought during a presentation at university. |
Do you usually notice if someone presenting loses their train of thought? Has that ever happened to you? | My sister. | She said that she doesn’t pay much attention to it, and that it’s happened to her several times as well. |
In the next section, we will take a closer look at how you can develop more balanced thinking and become more flexible.