My self-worth – changing the overvaluation of performance
You have now begun to make changes in how you think and behave in relation to perfectionism. Now we will take a step back to look at how perfectionism affects your life. The focus here is on the tendency to overvalue performance and high standards. Let’s take a closer look at how this influences the way you value yourself.
Self-worth and different areas of life
Most people base their self-worth on several different areas of life, such as relationships, leisure and interests, work and studies. Below is an example.
Elin
Elin is 21 years old and works in a café. She lives with a friend and has been in a relationship with her boyfriend, Adam, for two years. They met through their shared interest in handball. Elin also enjoys taking part in theatre with her drama group. She has older parents who she visits regularly, as well as a sister she often speaks to on the phone or meets in person.
Elin does not always enjoy her job, but sees it as good enough since it pays the bills. She is saving for a trip and plans to start studying at university. At times, she worries about her appearance and focuses on things she doesn’t like about herself, but Adam often reminds her that he likes her just as she is.
If we were to illustrate Elin’s life as a “self-worth pie” (see image below), the largest sections would consist of family, friends and relationships, sport and leisure, and future goals. Work, travel and appearance would make up smaller parts. For most people, self-worth looks like this – it is based on several different areas, not just one.
LÄGG IN BILD
In general, people have a relatively balanced self-worth profile. When they evaluate their worth, they take into account personal qualities such as kindness, loyalty, helpfulness, humour and so on. Skills and achievements, such as work, studies, sport or creative interests, also matter, but do not form the entire basis of self-worth.
The perfectionist's self-worth
For people with strong perfectionistic tendencies, the picture often looks different. A very large part of their self-worth is placed in a single area: performing and succeeding. Other areas of life may still be present, but over time they take up less and less space. As mentioned earlier, self-worth becomes mainly linked to performance.
Being a valuable person then becomes closely associated with being capable, ambitious, conscientious and intelligent. Performance-related activities take up a disproportionately large share of their “self-worth pie” and are given excessive importance.
Placing your entire sense of worth in a single area is like putting all your eggs in one basket. It often creates significant pressure and can lead to anxiety, worry and stress. If something goes wrong, or if you feel that you are not living up to your standards, your entire sense of self-worth can collapse.
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Reflection question Take a moment and reflect:
One way to find out is to ask yourself: “If something goes wrong in this area – how much does it affect how I see myself as a person?” Then make a list of different areas of your life and rate them. Give each area a score from 0 (not important at all) to 10 (most important). Several areas can have the same score. See the example below. |
|
Area |
Rating 0–10 |
|
Studies |
10 |
|
Work |
5 |
|
Sport and health |
6 |
|
Appearance |
5 |
|
Friends and close relationships |
8 |
|
Family |
9 |
|
Interests |
7 |
Exercise – My self-worth pie
Draw a “self-worth pie” that shows how things are distributed in your life at the moment, with the most important areas taking up the largest space. You can either draw it by hand or download the worksheet available on this page
LÄGG IN BILD
Then reflect on the following questions:
- Is the distribution balanced? If not, how does this distribution affect your well-being?
- If you notice that a large part of your self-worth is linked to performance, ask yourself: What would happen to me if things did not go as planned in the area that takes up the most space?
- What does this distribution say about how you value yourself?
Then consider:
- Are there any areas that you would like to give more space in your life? Write down 2–3 concrete first steps that could help you develop or expand these areas.
- Example: Family – call my parents once a week, visit my grandmother in her care home, or plan a visit to my brother in Lund.
Then try carrying out these steps and reflect on the following:
- How did it feel to do this?
- How did it affect your wellbeing?
- Did it affect your sense of self-worth in any way?
You have now reached the end of this section of the self-help material on perfectionism. Well done! In the next section, we will briefly summarise the content and bring things to a close.