About perfectionism

The common thread is striving to reach a level or standard that goes beyond what the situation actually requires. It’s about not being satisfied with “good enough”.

Finding a single, clear definition of perfectionism is difficult, as the concept is multifaceted and includes several different aspects. However, to simplify, it can broadly be described as follows:

Perfectionism involves basing an excessively large part of one’s self-image on striving to meet personally demanding, self-imposed standards in at least one prominent area of life – even when this striving leads to negative consequences.

What’s good about being a perfectionist?

Many people see perfectionism as something positive and associate it with being a high achiever. It can involve striving for excellence, setting high standards for oneself, putting in a great deal of effort and challenging oneself to develop. In this way, you can learn new skills and often achieve good results.

There are therefore many reasons why people experience perfectionism as something positive. For example, you might think:

• I like to do things properly and well.
• I feel happy when I manage to achieve things that others find difficult.
• I appreciate being effective.
• I like being organised.
• I value being well prepared for different situations.

What’s bad about being a perfectionist?

High goals help us achieve things in life. But sometimes they can get in the way of our wellbeing. At times, the drive to perform well can actually worsen performance, which is known as the paradox of perfectionism!

Without goals, people generally achieve less, so goals in themselves are not a bad thing. However, there’s a big difference between a healthy and helpful striving towards a goal and an unhealthy and unhelpful striving for perfection. 

Defining personal standards

As mentioned earlier, the standards a person with perfectionist tendencies sets for themselves are central. These can be summarised in three main areas:

• Self-imposed and personally demanding standards

The standards we set for ourselves can come from both internal and external sources. They are often a combination of both, which can make it difficult to identify where they originate. Sometimes these standards are clear and can be put into words , for example: “I must not make mistakes.” At other times, they are more diffuse and appear as an inner image or an uncomfortable feeling when we fall short of our own expectations.

What matters is that very high standards are set, and the person continues to push themselves to meet them. These standards are often subjective and difficult to compare with those of others. It’s not just about doing one’s best, but about constantly performing even better than before. The goal then becomes a level that, in practice, can be very difficult, or even impossible, to reach.

As a result, the individual may feel that even their greatest efforts are not enough. Over time, this can become self-defeating, as it provides little opportunity to actually reach one’s goals and feel satisfied with one’s performance.

• Standards often focused on specific areas of life and tied to self-worth

These high demands are usually most prominent in a specific area of life, such as academic performance, work, sport or a hobby.

This is important because people with perfectionist tendencies often base their self-esteem on one or a small number of such areas. They “put all their eggs in the same basket”, making their self-esteem more vulnerable. If something goes wrong in this area, it can have a disproportionate impact on how they view themselves.

• Striving leads to negative consequences

Perfectionism becomes problematic when high standards begin to lead to negative consequences. Self-imposed demands may then start to affect both wellbeing and everyday functioning.

This can include increased worry and anxiety, poorer performance, difficulties in relationships, postponing tasks, or a persistent sense of failure.

When all these elements are combined, they form an unhealthy pattern. Some examples include:

• No time for leisure
• No achievement ever feels good enough
• Strong self-criticism when things are not exactly right
• Not trusting others to do things as well, and doing everything oneself
• Repeatedly going over tasks until they feel acceptable
• Avoiding tasks out of fear of failure

How does perfectionism develop? – Genes, upbringing and society

It’s natural to want to understand why we are the way we are. Many people think that if we could only get a clear answer, everything would fall into place and life would become easier. Unfortunately, there is no simple explanation for why perfectionist tendencies develop in some individuals. Research in this area is still limited, but it generally points to three possible factors: genetic influences, parental influences and societal influences.

We are all born with a genetic predisposition towards certain traits. This doesn’t mean that everything is predetermined, but rather that we have certain starting points. These can then be strengthened or weakened depending on the environment we grow up in. For example, perfectionist traits may be encouraged and reinforced by those around us, which in turn can contribute to their continued development.

Parents can also play a role in shaping perfectionist tendencies. For example, they may try to protect their children from the feelings that arise when mistakes are made or when something goes wrong. Sometimes, with good intentions, they may also reinforce worry by offering constant reassurance when the child feels uncertain.

Through social learning – and sometimes through shared genetics – children may also adopt their parents’ ways of thinking and behaving. If parents are highly structured, avoid mistakes and want things to be done in a certain way, these patterns can be passed on. In some cases, parents may be more controlling or authoritarian, with high expectations and clear control over the child’s behaviour.

At the same time, influence can also come from the opposite direction. If a child experiences a lack of attention, encouragement or validation, they may begin to see themselves as less valuable, less loved or less interesting. As a result, they may develop harsh self-demands and a strong focus on performance. Behaviours may then be shaped to demonstrate success, competence or happiness to others. Maintaining this image can reduce the risk of revealing the insecurity they actually feel.

Society also plays a role. In today’s world, individual achievement, success and goal attainment are often highly valued. People with perfectionist tendencies may therefore receive considerable appreciation and praise. This can bring advantages such as opportunities, recognition, status and responsibility.

Regardless of what lies behind a person’s perfectionism, it’s important to distinguish between what once contributed to its development and what maintains it today. Perfectionism may initially have been about striving for something positive, but over time its function can change. Instead of aiming to achieve something meaningful, it may become focused on avoiding what one fears. The focus then shifts from pursuing success to trying to avoid mistakes, criticism or the feeling of not being good enough.