Grief

Although it can be hard to believe, grief changes character over time. You learn to live with it and life can be good again. If the grief you experience is too severe, or if you become stuck in the grieving process, there is help available. 

Reactions to grief  

Grief is a natural response to change and loss. It affects our emotions, thoughts, behaviour and reactions. At the beginning of a difficult loss, you may experience a crisis.  The grief can be intense and involve an overwhelming longing for the person who has died. A sense of unreality and difficulty in understanding and taking in what has happened are common. Memory, concentration, and thinking ability can be affected. Many people feel anxiety, depression, loneliness and guilt. Sleep and appetite can be affected. You may experience pain in your body and feel sick. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; some cry a lot or show other emotions, others keep their emotions inside. Some need to talk a lot about their difficulties, others want to grieve by themselves. Sometimes you may need to be left alone, at other times you may need company.  

The grieving process 

It isn’t possible to say how long it is normal to grieve, or when the grief will become less intense. It can be different from day to day or become difficult for a while after being easier for a period. The grieving process is partly affected by how the person died, how traumatic the death was for you, what role the person had in your life and how the loss affects your continued life. You may experience a loss of part of your identity, of who you were with the person you lost. The grieving process is usually described as consisting of two important processes. The grieving person fluctuates between processing the loss with the pain that it entails, and finding their bearings and in various ways gradually adapting to their new life situation. Grief needs to be dealt with while the rest of your life is going on. You need to take care of yourself because it takes time and energy.  

What can I do myself?   

• Stick to your routines.
  Try to sleep and eat properly even if you lose your appetite. Be outdoors for a while every day, keep exercising and be physically active. Most people benefit from everyday life continuing as usual, so try to keep it going as best as possible.  
• Participate in your education as much as you can.
  Talk to your teacher or study adviser to make your study situation easier. 
• Lower your level of ambition.
  At first, you may not be able to perform at the same level as you usually do. Be kind to yourself and do what you can. Don’t suppress any of the feelings or thoughts that are troubling you.  
• Avoid alcohol and other drugs.
  They can make everything worse and cause more anxiety. 
• If it feels good, write down your thoughts and describe your grief.
  That is one way of letting the grief out. 
• Take a break from what is troubling you.
  While it’s good to let your emotions out, it’s also good to think about other things sometimes and keep doing things you previously enjoyed doing. 
• Talk to others about what happened.
  Social support is an important factor in dealing with difficult events in life. Ask for support from friends and family if you need company or help to fix things you can’t cope with.  

When should I seek help?   

You need to seek help if you feel so bad that you find it hard to bear or if the grief does not give you any time to think about other things. When grieving, there are often many questions that can be important to put into words and perhaps share together with someone outside of the situation. Another sign that you need help is if you have trouble sleeping, eating or coping with everyday life.   

You can turn to the student health service for support and advice, or for guidance on where you can seek help. You can also contact your local healthcare centre or seek help via 1177.se.