How can you improve your self-esteem and self-confidence, while still keeping your respect and humility?
In the end, you want to be yourself, but you don’t want to take up too much space or seem indifferent or arrogant, even if you don’t see yourself that way but are afraid that others might.
Thank you for reaching out to us!
You describe a balancing act between wanting to strengthen your self-esteem and self-confidence, while at the same time wanting to maintain your respect and humility toward others. You also express that you don’t see yourself as indifferent or arrogant, but you’re afraid of being perceived that way.
Having low self-esteem can show up in relationships in different ways. It might mean adapting too much to others, having difficulty expressing your own needs or opinions, or struggling to set boundaries. The reason can be uncertainty about your own worth and what you are “allowed” to do, or a desire to avoid conflict. As you describe, the fear of how you’re perceived can also make it harder to show more of who you really are.
It seems like an important step that you want to be yourself to a greater extent. It can help to give a bit of extra attention to what that means for you more concretely. What do you do when you’re not fully yourself? In what situations does this happen? With which people? What function does this behavior serve? Does it protect you from something?
It’s also helpful to reflect on and formulate the direction you want to move toward — what would it mean to be yourself more? How would you act instead in the situations that feel difficult today? Why is this important to you? How can you do this with humility and respect for others, as you describe wanting?
It can feel scary in different ways to dare to be yourself, and it becomes even harder if you assume there is a risk of being perceived as indifferent or arrogant. To dare show more of who you are, you will likely need to assume that the risk of coming across as arrogant is exaggerated. If it turns out that others do perceive you that way, you can handle that when it happens. We can all end up acting in ways that don’t match our intentions — it’s entirely human. But don’t let the fear of a hypothetical risk dictate how you act in your relationships.
It’s only by trying new behaviors, and noticing how they are received by others, that you can gather new experiences which, over time, can change how you see yourself and how you perceive the risk of doing something “wrong.”
I hope this answers your question!
Licensed Psychologist