Safety behaviours
To make a change, we need to gradually do more of what we perceive as frightening, and it needs to be done in a new way where we challenge ourselves by testing new behaviours in public speaking situations.
The aim is to really learn that the situation is manageable even though it is unpleasant. This learning is difficult to do while using too many safety behaviours, as these signal that the situation is risky: “I managed to just about avoid a total disaster because I talked quickly and looked down at the paper the whole time so that no one saw how I was blushing.”
That said, it’s important to understand that all people use safety behaviours in different situations and that this is completely normal. The goal is not to never use any safety behaviours, but to dare to try to do things differently, to give ourselves the chance to discover that we may not need them, and that many safety behaviours actually hinder us and make the situation more difficult than it needs to be.
Do the following:
Start by describing the fears and negative thoughts that you have about giving a presentation.
What am I scared about when it comes to speaking in front of others? Examples: shaking, losing the thread, stuttering, blushing, looking insecure, performing poorly in terms of content, appearing ignorant.
You can then identify different safety behaviours that you engage in before, during, and after presentations. The next step is to consider whether there are alternative behaviours that you can test to see how they turn out instead. You can test one new behaviour at a time, starting with what feels easiest for you to try.
Write down one safety behaviour at a time in the left column, and what you can try to do instead of that safety behaviour in the right column.
Challenge ladder
It can be helpful to rank different behaviours that you want to practise changing to new behaviours by difficulty, so you can start by trying something that feels a little challenging and then gradually step up.
To begin with, you can practise the behaviours that you want to change alone in front of the mirror. For example, you can practice speaking more slowly and a little louder or talking “off-script” from time to time and allowing yourself to take pauses. When you feel ready, you can ask someone you feel safe with to act as an audience. Is there anyone who can be an audience for a few minutes?
Many people find when they replace safety behaviours with new behaviours that it actually becomes less uncomfortable to give presentations contrary to what we think.
- What is the first safety behaviour you can change?
- What will you do instead?
- When will you have the opportunity to do so?
- Evaluate afterwards - what happened? Did you learn anything from it?
Remember to take small steps, practise many times in different situations and allow the process to take time.