Acceptance
An important part of being able to perform in front of others is to strive to do so with acceptance of the discomfort that arises when we have speech anxiety. We simply cannot influence it. The best thing we can do is decide to allow all emotions to come and go just as they are, and try to put most energy into what we can influence – what we do in the moment, despite anxiety.
One way to describe how you can relate to the discomfort that occurs when you do something challenging is to liken it to a beach ball. You can try to push it under the water, but soon discover that, when doing so, it’s difficult to do anything else. Avoiding the beach ball requires both attention and energy. What if you would instead allow the beach ball to float around, whether you like it or not, and instead direct your attention and energy to what you want to do. It makes you more free, and paradoxically, it can be easier to handle the presence of the beach ball when you leave it alone.
It can be difficult to let emotions be if we perceive them as “wrong”, or “bad,” or feel that we can’t put up with them. Therefore, you may need to practice and take small steps in not judging or evaluating what you feel, and challenge yourself to let your feelings be as they are.
Here follows an exercise aimed at training noticing emotions, positive and negative, without evaluating them and without trying to suppress the emotion or do anything about what we are feeling in the moment. Sometimes it’s easy to just observe our emotions, and sometimes it’s hard. No matter how “well” the exercise goes, just keep practising, observing and letting go.
Exercise (5 minutes)
- Sit comfortably and close your eyes or lower your eyelids and look at a point in front of you.
- Take a few breaths while you gather your focus and try to direct it completely on your breathing, and on how your stomach moves as you breathe.
- Now you can focus on what is going on inside you right now. Spend a little time paying attention to how your body feels. Are you tense anywhere? Does it feel pleasant? Are you hot or cold? Then move on to paying attention to your mood. You don’t need to have an opinion on it, just try to observe and describe it to yourself. Are there any emotions you can observe? If you have any emotion that feels challenging – maybe sadness, worry, anger or something else – try to take a few breaths while continuing to just observe the emotion. Perhaps you can notice how the emotion feels in your body or notice certain thoughts or images that pop up at the same time as the emotion? Observe everything that happens, and try to refrain from starting to problem-solve or arguing with what comes up. You can respond to impulses to do something about the emotions that appear by thinking “I can allow things to be like this right now, I don’t need to change anything”
Sometimes it’s hard to notice any emotions and that’s okay too. In that case, just keep focusing on your breathing while being open to observe what pops up inside. - Now you can take a few breaths and then finish the exercise when you feel ready.
Do the exercise once a day for a week, when you feel calm, and then try to use it when you feel uneasy. Evaluate if the exercise is giving you anything, and if so, try to plan to do it once a week.