Strategies for managing stress

We have also established that stress itself is not the problem; it’s the lack of adequate recovery. So how can we improve the important balance between stress and recovery?

Some stressors are beyond our control, while others can be influenced even if it feels difficult. These require different approaches. Factors we can influence are best addressed through problem-solving – we can strive for change in order to reduce or remove the negative effect that these factors have. That which is beyond our control requires us to change our approach – and is best dealt with by what is called acceptance.

Problem-solving
When the causes of stress in your life are within your control, problem-solving is a good strategy. It works best with paper and pen or at a computer.

How to do it:

1. Start by defining the problem. 
2. Decide what is within your control. What can you influence, change or remove?
3. Brainstorm possible solutions. Allow yourself to think freely and without limitations.
4. Choose the best option(s). Weigh the pros and cons of each option and select the one(s) that feels manageable.
5. Decide when you will try your solution.
6. Evaluate the solution after 1–2 weeks. Has it worked well enough for you? What change do you notice? Do you want to continue in the same way or adjust something?

Remember that building new habits takes time. To make it easier for yourself to create new routines and habits, it’s good to make changes in small steps and focus on one thing at a time. 

Here are some general tips for making changes and solving problems:

• Start from a minimum level and increase gradually.
• Do one thing at a time – it increases your chances of being able to handle the change.
• Be specific – decide what, when, how and where to do it.
• Write it down in your calendar.
• Think about what lowers the threshold for you. Be aware that you may feel resistance when breaking habits or starting new things. Can you ask someone for help? Can you think of a reward that you can give yourself as encouragement?
• Take action for motivation. Many of us wait to feel motivated before acting on what we want to change. We may end up waiting in vain. Instead, try the opposite and start with something easy enough that you are sure to succeed, even if you don’t feel like doing it. Motivation can increase over time when you notice you can influence your situation, even in small steps. It will also strengthen when, over time, you notice that you’re feeling better. 

Acceptance
Choosing acceptance as a way of relating to what we can’t influence doesn’t mean giving up or being passive. Acceptance is an active process that involves choosing to relate wisely to the situation around us. By stopping fighting against what we can’t control, we free up energy and can focus more on what gives us meaning.

Acceptance is about becoming aware of our current situation without criticising, judging, denying or attempting to change it. This also applies to internal experiences, such as our emotions. Only through acceptance can we choose how to act.

An example is when we are taking a difficult course and suspect it may be hard to achieve a pass in the exam. In that situation, there isn’t much we can do, apart from studying and seeking help with what we can’t manage on our own. 

Yet the instinctive response is to fight against the situation, for example through constantly thinking that it can’t be true and that we must pass the exam. We experience possible future negative consequences in advance, through thoughts like “I’ll lose my student grant” and “What if I lose my student accommodation?” 

Perhaps we also judge and blame ourselves: “There must be something wrong with me if I don’t understand” and “I always fail at everything”. What then happens is that we feel bad about the current situation itself, and also about both the negative judgements we attach to ourselves and the possible future negative consequences that may never actually happen. 

How to practise relating to a situation with acceptance:

1. Describe the situation as factually as possible(for example: “This course is really difficult and there’s a risk that I won’t pass the exam on the first attempt.”)
2. Describe the thoughts and feelings it brings up(for example: “I feel worried, ashamed and sad” and “I’m thinking that I’ll fail the exam, that there must be something wrong with me and that I’ll lose my student accommodation”).
3. Beware of negative thoughts that worsen the situation. Notice how thoughts can give rise to additional feelings that may not be directly linked to the situation itself. The feeling of shame often arises because we criticise ourselves. Note that the thoughts come and try not to give them too much attention. One way to create distance from thoughts is simply to label them, for example, “Here comes a self-critical thought”, without elaborating on them.
4. Make an active choice to relate to the situation with acceptance.Decide to allow all feelings connected to the situation, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. Otherwise, try to refrain from repetitive thoughts about how you wish things were. Replace them with: “This is how things are right now, I don’t need to change anything.” 
5. Reflect on what scope for action there is in the situation.Focus on that without evaluating or judging either your feelings or what you do, for example: “The only thing I can do right now is study my hours every day and hope it works out. I can ask a course mate or a lecturer for help with some of what’s difficult.”

Below is a model that may be helpful when considering how you want to act.

Problem-solving or acceptance?

Model

Before moving on to the next section, take a moment to answer the following questions:

• When you think about what causes stress in your life today, which things can you control/change, and what is beyond your control?
• Is there something you could problem-solve, and if so, what could you start with?
• What can you relate to with acceptance, and can you see any pros and cons to that?