Self-compassion

Do you respond to setbacks in life by becoming more self-critical, focusing on your negative sides and blaming yourself when things feel difficult? If so, you might benefit from developing greater self-compassion. Here you can read more about what self-compassion means, why it matters and how you can practise replacing self-criticism with a kinder and more understanding inner dialogue.


Self-criticism and self-compassion 
Self-criticism can be described as distorted and negative judgements about ourselves. It may involve constantly demanding more of yourself, thinking that you’re not good enough, or directing unfair and blaming thoughts towards yourself in situations where, for various reasons, you feel you haven’t met expectations. These self-critical thoughts are automatic and can become discouraging, reducing your motivation and sense of drive.

Self-compassion, by contrast, is an active choice. It means responding to yourself with care, understanding and kindness, and developing a different perspective on the way that you speak to yourself. 

Increases wellbeing and reduces stress
Self-compassion supports both our mental and physical health and helps strengthen our resilience when facing challenges and stress. It helps with recovery and reduces the unnecessary stress, anxiety and shame that attach to our experiences when we allow overly negative interpretations of ourselves to go unchallenged.

How can I increase my self-compassion?
To increase your self-compassion, you have to find alternatives to your inner critic. You need to:

  1. Notice and allow your thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself: “What is happening within me right now?” For example: “I feel ashamed and want to cry” and “I’m thinking that I always fail and that I should just give up.”
  2. Recognise that you’re having a hard time at the moment instead of judging yourself or telling yourself that you’re “bad”. For example: “This feels really difficult.”
  3. Ask yourself what you need in this moment. It can be easier to identify your needs if you imagine a friend who is having a hard time. For example: “How can I take care of myself when things feel this hard?”
  4. Choose to give yourself support, respect and consideration. For example: “It’s okay to let go of everything and just rest on the sofa/call a friend/go for a walk/read a book I like”, “It’s human to feel the way I feel right now, I don’t need to change anything”, “It didn’t turn out as I hoped, but I did the best I could.”

It sounds easy, but developing self-compassion takes practice and patience. Reflect on situations where you tend to be self-critical or judgemental towards yourself. Choose one of these situations and practise intentionally replacing your critical inner dialogue with caring and kindness.