When you are worried about someone
Sometimes you worry about someone who doesn’t seem to be feeling okay. The person is perhaps starting to behave differently than they usually do, becoming withdrawn and no longer participating in activities, eating worse or drinking more alcohol than before. Perhaps there are several of you close to the person who are concerned and noticing the same things.
Sometimes, a change in someone’s mood can mean that they have gone through something difficult: a loved one’s illness or death, a separation or similar. Sometimes, it can be mental ill-health that shows itself in different ways from person to person.
What can you do?
Take your concerns seriously. Talk to the person at an appropriate time about what you have seen and what is worrying you. Perhaps something has happened to affect the person’s mood? Make it clear that you are asking the question because you care. Be prepared that the person might reject you initially. It isn’t easy to start talking about what is causing the problem. Perhaps the time isn’t right, and you should decide on another time to talk?
- It can be difficult to start the conversation
Or to know which words to use. Keep in mind that it is more important that you voice your concerns and show that you care than how you put it. - Listen to the answer you receive
Without interrupting and then ask follow-up questions. Try not to give advice. Most of the time, the important thing for the person is to say what is bringing them down without immediately being told what they should do to feel better. - Ask if there is anything you can do to help
This may, for example, involve practical things like cleaning, shopping or cooking. - Support the person in seeking help for their well-being
The student health service can be a good entry point for seeking support, as can the local healthcare centre. If you are unsure, you can call 1177 for advice. Offer to help or accompany them. - If the person is in a difficult situation and isn’t feeling good - make them take a break
It may be important for them to take a break from what is troubling them. You can be a valuable support in this by doing something together with them. Depending on what they want and have the energy for: study together, exercise, go for a walk, have a coffee or do something else that the person appreciates doing.
How can you approach someone who expresses suicidal thoughts?
If you suspect that someone close to you has thoughts of no longer wanting to live, it’s important to find the courage to ask about what is worrying you and make sure to listen to the answer. If someone talks or writes about death, it must always be taken very seriously. Although it may feel difficult to ask straight out, remember that this doesn’t increase the risk of a person taking their own life, but it does increase the chance that the person can get help. Try to stay calm even if you get worried and scared, see it as trust being placed in you. You are doing it to help them.
Talking about it is key
Talking about thoughts and feelings and showing that you are there for them can be crucial for someone who is going through a hard time. Offer them the hope that there is help available. Most people with serious suicidal thoughts get through the crisis, but sometimes you need to help the person get professional help, for example through a healthcare centre or psychiatric clinic. That doesn’t mean you have to break a confidence by not keeping it quiet. Therefore, don’t promise to keep the person’s suicidal thoughts secret. Be clear that you are making contact with them because you care about them and know that there is help available.
Always call 112 if you think the situation is urgent and someone close to you has serious plans to take their own life.
You can also call 1177 to find professional help near you.
How can you approach someone who expresses suicidal thoughts on the internet?
Sometimes someone expresses themselves on social media in a way that is concerning and can be interpreted as them having thoughts or plans to do something to themselves. Act as if every post about suicide plans is real until the opposite appears to be clear. Focus on the person who feels bad and not on any other comments. Show that you care and respond to the post. Offer them the hope that there is help available. If you are very worried, contact 112.
Remember to take care of yourself when caring for someone else
Worrying about and supporting someone who is not feeling well can drain your energy and put a strain on your own well-being. Do you need support? You also need to sustain your own health and feel good, so make sure that your concern doesn’t affect your own well-being.