Grief
This text is about grief in connection with the loss of someone who has been important to you. We all react differently when someone who meant a lot to us dies. How the grief unfolds depends, among other things, on the relationship you had with the person. The grief and longing can feel impossible to bear when they are at their worst. Even if it’s hard to believe, grief changes over time. You learn to live with it, and life can become good again. If the grief feels overwhelmingly difficult or if you are unable to move forward, there is help available.
Reactions to grief
Grief is a natural reaction to change and loss. It affects our emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and physical reactions. At the beginning of a significant loss, you may experience a crisis. Grief can be intense and involve an overwhelming longing for the person who has died. A sense of unreality and difficulty understanding or taking in what has happened are common. Memory, concentration, and thinking ability may be affected.
Many people experience worry, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, and guilt. Sleep and appetite may be affected. You may feel physical pain or feel unwell. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some people cry a lot or express their emotions, while others hold their feelings inside. Some need to talk a lot about their difficulties, while others prefer to grieve more privately. Sometimes you may need to be alone; other times you may need company.
The grieving process
There is no set time for how long it is normal to grieve or when the grief will ease. The experience can vary from day to day, and periods that have felt lighter can be followed by more difficult ones again. The grieving process is partly influenced by how the person died, how traumatic the death was for you, the role the person had in your life, and how the loss affects your future life. You may feel that you have lost a part of your identity - the person you were together with the one you have lost.
The grieving process is usually described as consisting of two important processes. The person grieving fluctuates between processing the loss - with all the pain that it entails - and working to orient themselves and gradually adapt to their new life situation. Grief needs to be dealt with while the rest of your life continues. You need to take care of yourself, as it requires time and energy.
What can you do yourself?
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Stick to your routines. Try to sleep and eat regularly even if you lose your appetite. Spend some time outdoors each day, keep exercising, and stay physically active. Most people benefit from maintaining their daily routines as much as possible.
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Participate in your studies to the extent you can. Speak with a course coordinator or student advisor about what can be done if you need support in managing your study situation.
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Lower your expectations of yourself. Be prepared that you may not be able to perform at your usual level for a while. Be kind to yourself and do what you can manage. Let difficult thoughts and feelings come.
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Avoid alcohol and other drugs. They can make everything worse and increase anxiety, even if they feel helpful in the moment.
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If it feels right, write down your thoughts and describe your grief. This can be a way of expressing and processing emotions.
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Take breaks from the difficult feelings. Even though it is helpful to allow your emotions, it is also important to think about other things sometimes and continue doing activities you used to enjoy.
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Talk to others. Social support is an important factor in coping with difficult life events. Ask friends or family for support if you need company or help with tasks you don’t have the energy to manage.
When should you seek help?
You need to seek help if you feel so unwell that it is hard to cope, or if your grief does not give you any time to think about other things. When grieving, there are often many questions that can be important to express and perhaps share with someone outside your ususal circle. Another sign that you may need help is if you have trouble sleeping, eating, or functioning in your daily life.