Emotions

No matter how difficult and unpleasant our emotions may be, their purpose is to tell us something about how we feel, what is important to us and what we need. Therefore, we should never aim to get rid of certain emotions.

Instead, we need to strive to try to understand the messages of emotions and allow ourselves to have them. After that, with consideration for ourselves, we can try to decide how we want to move forward in a certain situation. Here's how you can practice this:

1) Make yourself aware

In order to understand our emotions, we need to notice them. We can do this if we stop for a while and focus our attention on what we are experiencing in the moment. Ask yourself: “What do I feel right now?”, “How does my body feel?”, “What thoughts do I have?”, “What do I want to do when I feel like this?”. An example of a situation where you are studying for an exam: “I feel stressed, worried and sad. I feel chest pressure and my thoughts are spinning. I find it hard to focus on what I read. I get stuck in thoughts about how the exam will go, and what will happen if I fail. It feels unfair that I have so much anxiety during the exam that I do badly.

2) Understand the experience in its context

Once we have made ourselves more aware of what we feel and think in a certain situation, it is good to try to give the experience more context, thus putting the feeling in an understandable and normalising context. “Why is this happening to me?”, “How does this relate to my past experiences and/or fears?”, “What does this say about me as a human being and my needs?”. An example of a situation where you are studying for an exam: "I really want to pass the exam, and I have studied so much for it. It’s part of my degree that is important to me. I’m afraid to do badly because it affects how I see myself. Anxiety is how my body and brain try to protect me from threats. My feelings are understandable even if they become strong and I may need to help myself get more perspective on the situation.”

3) Accept without value

After confirming and comprehending the feeling, it may feel more manageable, and we can then try to accept and allow it to feel this way. One way of dealing with emotions is to refrain from evaluating or judging them: “It’s okay to feel like this.”, “I don’t have to change anything right now”, “This is what it’s like right now”. An example of a situation where you are studying for an exam: “I’m not in control of this. It’s an automatic anxiety reaction. I must try to have these feelings and make room for them in my body. Sometimes it feels easier if I breathe calmly and try to relax my body. I don’t have to have an opinion on what I feel, but I can let things be as they are. I can do this even if it’s hard.”

4) Choose your direction

Now you can think about how you would want to act in the situation you find yourself in. That is, what you want to do based on your awareness of your feelings, thoughts and needs, while moving toward a certain goal. An example of a situation where you are studying for an exam: “What’s best for me to do right now? I need a break, even if my feelings and thoughts tell me I don’t have time for that. After the break I want to try to revise a couple of concepts in a book and answer a couple of exam questions. If I get interrupted by worrying thoughts, I’ll try to focus my attention on what I’m reading as best I can. If it gets very difficult, I can read for 5-10 minutes at a time, and then really remind myself of where I want my focus to be - on what I’m reading and not on worries about the future. That’s what I can influence right now.”

Try all the four steps next time you experience exam anxiety. Write dowm your answers and reflections the first couple of times. Thereafter, it may be enough to go through the steps in your head.